Would I be a good enough parent?

As I chatted online with Ron’s sister in law–I realized that I may be a better parent than she is.  No I am not insulting–okay maybe just a little–but I am totally amazed as how she is a parent. 

She’s the mother of 3–a 10 year, 5 year, and 3 year old.  She saved $7500+ for a tummy tuck!  So as her kids are in raggedy clothes and her house in a dissarray–she goes and gets a tummy tuck?  I didn’t quite understand her thought process.  Don’t get me wrong, every mother should treat herself to something nice…only AFTER the kids, spouse, and the house are taken care of.  Now she walks around, hunched over, complaining about the pain she’s in.  Of course that’s all she talks about.  The funniest part about this…she claims she doesn’t need to lose weight–as she stuffs her face of pizza!  She doesn’t work out, doesn’t clean, or really do much.  Ron told me that she came into the house with 2 pizzas, put them on the table, made a plate for herself, and stayed on the computer.  This went on, while her kids were there to fetch their own food, while Ron and her husband put down flooring.  There were piles of unfolded clothes and dishes.  I have a feeling–that she will gain the weight back and she’ll look way worse than before.  And I won’t be sympathetic.  I’ll be giggling…(is that bad?)

I chatted with her online.  She told me that Ron was making fun of her and her parenting skills as she provided a ‘binky’ to her 3 year old son.  Of course me not being a parent, asked what a binky was.  A ‘binky’ is a pacifier.  I told her that a pacifier is for 1 year olds and younger and her explanation is that when he’s good, he gets to keep it.  HUH?  WHAT?  I didn’t understand her logic in that.  She seems to be consumed with one person and one person only: HERSELF.  Just the minor stuff–like stuffing her fat face first…

And the even funnier part she told me..I was chatting with her daughter online as well and she called her daughter a lazy spoiled child because her daughter did not want to help do stuff in the house.  HELLO–lead by example! 

Of course I say all this knowing that I am not a parent and things will obviously change when I become one (hopefully before I reach the ripe old age of 40).  But I know that my childrend and (hopefully) spouse comes first.  Because as they watch my example, they will learn how to be a parent and partner.  Don’t get me wrong–I’ll treat myself to a spa day away from everyone every now and then…but after the kids and spouse are fed and cleaned. 

Family first–that’s the way I was raised.  My parents always made sure my sister and I were eating first before they even made their own plates.  We may not have the expensive or trendiest of clothes, but they were clean and not raggedy!  Their house is always clean (clutter was hidden–but the rest of the house was cleaned and sink empty of dirty dishes).  They managed to keep a house, raise two daughters, push them to get through graduate school, and save for once in a lifetime trips around the world. 

I admire my Mom in many ways–even though at times she can be ‘cold’–I’ll get to that in a little bit.  She runs the house.  She makes more money than my Dad, does chores inside the house and her gardening and keeps the finances in check.  She cooks and runs a pretty tight ship.  My Dad on the other hand does the rest of the outside housework, the manual labor, groceries, and believe it or not taught my Mom how to cook.  I see a lot of them in me.  My Mom stresses over everything but my Dad is very extroverted.  My Mom prefers inside chores, she’s the gift giver, the thoughtful one (Gift Giving is her love language).  She has a tough outer shell and rarely allows people to see her emotion–I obviously did not get that trait.  My Dad is very lovey dovey.  He tells me and my sister all the time that he loves us. He’s very patient (I did NOT inherit that gene) with the 3 women in the house.  He likes sports (football mostly and then beach volleyball..then there’s bowling and pool), power tools, and really thinks he wanted a boy :D  But he does anything for us first. 

I feel I was raised right…so if I teach my children to be strong willed, push them to finish school (at least through undergrad), to be somewhat organized, to put God and family first, and show love, respect, and affection to their family members, that everything needs to be worked for, not handed to…I think I will be a great parent…at least better than a few I know.

 

Long time no blog….

I have a confession to make–I have been slacking on my bloggin’.  Since coming back from China, I have been on some weirdo emotional roller coaster of a ride.  My sleep schedule is finally back to normal, work at job #1 is stressing me out as usual, and I really need to work more job #2 hours. 

The reason I say the latter, is that I had funds reserved for 3 big trips–my cruise to the Bahamas (which I will go into detail later), and 2 out of town Bachelorette parties (South Beach and Vegas).  I bought an awesome TV–the biggest and slimmest one I have ever owned.  I couldn’t get approved for a credit card at Best Buy sooo…I paid cash for the TV.  The Honey got me a present–a Blu-Ray player.  He was such a sweetie and put the system together and we stayed up to rearrange my living room furniture.  At the time I didn’t want to admit, that my house was ‘homier’ but it is–and I actually love it.  I can cook or do dishes AND watch tv at the same time.  Now, Ronnell and I are trying to build onto our collection.  We have huge DVD collections and will prolly exchange them at Movie Stop for all BluRay :D 

Now with my car issues–I had to replace 4 tires and will need a valve or something replaced–has put a damper on my spending flow.  Not to mention I want to eat better and organic food and health food is egads more pricey! 

August is gonna be a monetary struggle.  The trip to South Beach should only be $150 for the weekend–but Vegas is effing costing me close to $1000 and I haven’t left yet!  So I am praying something works out and I’ll have enough funds to last me these two big events that I wanna spend with my girls.  September is the show and I will be in Orlando for a week–no worries as I have a corporate card :D  Two weeks after, we’re headed to Charleston for the first wedding.  Ronnell and I haven’t been there before–so it’s another adventure we can check off our bucket list places to see. 

Now to our cruise–I have to admit, I was even stressed about that.  Keep in mind–I stress over everything (I am thinking about doing hypnotherapy or acupuncture to help me with my stress struggles).  I even stressed about the checking in part!  And how ‘ginormous’ our room was (I am clausterphobic).  The first night–I got a wee bit sea sick.  I took Dramamine but it made me sleepy :(  I felt so bad–but the Honey stayed with me.  The next day we stopped at Nassau–which was awesome.  The guys wanted to get scooters and Katie and I clearly objected–as these two have not had any experience on a scooter before.  Add all the stuff you need to add to that and the cost would exceed $100 per scooter.  Katie and I wanted to get our free jewelry at the Effy stores and John even won the raffle!  Which was funny—he was just a lucky b this weekend (he won money in roulette!)  We got free jewelry and Ronnell was egging me on to try jewelry–although I told him no I didn’t want to try any on–I really did.  But I knew if I tried any on, I’d wanna buy and we were on a very limited budget.  I wound up telling him what I eventually want–a single carat round cut diamond on a simple but elegant band.  We had a lovely dinner on the boat which included being seranaded by a filipino waiter–Manuel–along with a filipino guitar player and violinist. 

But the best day was the day we spent in Cocoa Cay–the private island.  The water was nice crisp and clear blue.  Ronnell was planning on the kayaking adventure—keep in mind we don’t know how to swim!  And the price was a little steep which would leave very little left in our souvenir shopping…We wound up getting $10 floatie things and that was the most fun ever.  I couldn’t get on the dang thing.  Katie and I stayed on for a bit and did girl talk which was nice…

After dinner we chilled out a bit–I wished Ronnell and I had more one on one time–spending time in the cabin is not the one on one time I wanted.  I wanted to walk the deck hand in hand–just us–and just talk…but maybe on our next trip:D 

I admit I was kinda bratty towards the end of the cruise.  I was a bit ticked off at our cabin attendant who essentially asked for her tip and then complained that it was too little.  With this in mind, we had to rethink our tipping…Note to self–tipping is per person per day on the cruise. 

We got home–Ron’s home–finally and crashed like there was no tomorrow.  There was no need for me to be a bitch on the trip.  The most important thing was that I was with the Honey on the trip and just relaxing…I stressed a bit on the trip which may have led to my grumpiness at the end.  So I did learn on this trip of what to do or not to do.  We were right around our budget for the trip too…thank goodness :D 

We also decided to go on a long weekend trip once a quarter next year…so Chicago, DC, Cali, and wherever else…watch out!  We’re headed your way :D

 

Doubts and reassurances…

Finally have my sea legs back from China and getting a better grip on the time change.  Whew!  It feels so good to be back in the good ol’ USA.  Even when we landed in Detroit, I was so grateful…only one more leg of a trip left and I will be home, I thought! 

My Honey had a few surprises for me–including a washed/waxed car AND my radio was fixed…not to mention a full gas tank.  I even had a voice mail from the week before saying that he was thinking of me and that he missed me.  I showered up and we went to (of all places) Golden Corral for dinner.  It had the be the grossest dinner ever, but that didn’t matter.  I was ‘home’ and with my Honey.  I talked on and on about China–to the point where I forgot if I had told him that story or not!  Eeks, but he was a good sport and listened anyway.  I finally crashed and dreaded waking up the next morning because, yes, I had to go to work.  I knew I wasn’t going to last the full day.  I got up extremely tired but forcing myself to wake up.  I didn’t have to iron, but figured what the heck–I can iron Ronnell’s shirt…because I know how he loves to iron in the AM.  I fed Kobe and made Ronnell move his car and I was on my merry way to job #1.

After a few meetings, the boss sent me home to get some sleep.  I crashed at the Honey’s place…note, I was only supposed to take an hour nap and head home to see the kitties…but woke up 5 hours later extremely exhausted.  I did a few loads of the Honey’s landry and fell asleep.  I knew it was going to take a few days to get through the jet lag…but holy moly I was tired.  We went to Bowl of Pho for some food…and it was soooo yummy.  It was our date night and I was content.

Saturday came and we were on our way to his friends’ wedding at the Ramada.  Unbeknownst to us both, the wedding was actually next weekend!  For whatever reason, he had it down for this Saturday…so we were stuck with just each other for the next 4 hours!  hehehe…We headed to Whole Foods and got some needed veggies and dessert.  Headed to Chipotle for some grub–and then Ronnell asked me the strangest question–which got me doubting myself in our relationship.  After we had eaten our lunch, I had picked up our trays and thrown out the trash.  Didn’t really think anything of it, but he thought it was sweet and ‘motherly’.  Why was I being motherly?  I didn’t really notice a change in my behavior, I just did them because it was just the natural thing to do I guess.  I dunno.  But was glad he noticed anyway…

But this got me thinking…do I deserve to be in this relationship?  Do I give as much as I receive?  Because I don’t cook well, I don’t do yard work, and I can be high strung and high maintenance…so why on earth would Ronnell want to be with me?  The paranoia kicked in…and I I got it in check.  And finally came up with the answers…

Yes, I deserve to be in this relationship.  In the past, I have always been the giving party, giving in terms of time, effort, doing stuff for the other etc…and I was content at the time in getting some sort of verbal acknowledgement.  And for a change, I have someone that does all these things to appease me–maybe not verbally–but in showing in acts of service.  I just need to better learn his love language.  I should never doubt having to ’deserve’ to be in this relationship.  As for giving and receiving?  This was tough for me to understand and acknowledge…I guess in some areas, I give more and in many areas he gives me even more.  He does things for me (cook, lawn, car stuff) and I do ironing, laundry, attempt to cook, drive all the way to see him and spend time, and assist (or get in the way) at photoshoots.  I tell him all the time, that he is appreciated–but of course that’s my love language.  So yes, I deserve to be in this relationship, and really need to quit thinking I don’t.  I guess in a way I need some sort of reassurances, but his acts of service should speak for themselves.  It did hurt me a tiny bit that he can’t say I love you because he hasn’t found the reason to say those words to me.  I wouldn’t force it, as I am sure when the time is right, he’ll say them.   He can never give me some sort of definitive answer…and I am always demanding of some sort of definite answer…I dunno…Does this make him sound like a jerk?  In a way it does.  He has this really high standard of what a woman should be…I dunno if I can ever meet that standard.  I can only be myself and try to be the best partner I can be.  I laugh at his corny jokes (I hate to admit, but they are pretty funny), I clean after he cooks, do his laundry, iron when I can, feed Kobe, call him just to call him, bring him lunch at the office when I can, pay for stuff (when I am not broke:D ), be his arm candy, be the mannish girly girlfriend that he adores…I try to be there for him.  I am the comic relief for him (as he can be so serious at times).  I help (or confuse him) when it comes to school stuff.  I want to gently push him in doing even better in school and am glad he’s taken the initiative and strives for the best.  I love proofreading his work–because I am anal retentive when it comes to writing.  I enjoy telling him the non-technical stuff about photography.  I keep him up to date on sports stuff (whether he likes it or not)…I try to make him happy as best as I can.  And I hope and pray that he sees that. 

He’s been such a great partner for me and I hope he can see that I am trying to reciprocate.  He makes me laugh, a wonderful sound board, feeds me well (that’s why I have gotten fat! ha sike!), and makes me feel comforted.  I find it so difficult to express such things to him (ironic because verbal affirmation is my language!) because when I look at him I get all nervous and flustered that I don’t even know my name!  I want to tell him that he’s made me a better person–a much calmer person (can you believe it!?), more grounded, and shown me that there are more things to life than partying, or the material stuffs.  I love the way he sometimes looks at me…and tells me that I am beautiful and that he appreciates me.  And I love that puts the effort to learn my love language.  I would think that I am making him a better and more patient person as well.  So in the meantime, I’ll have to improve on my acts of service…and I just hope that one day he can tell me that he loves me too.